2/21/2023 - finding yourself

 As someone who has struggled with my gender identity, my sexual orientation, and my mental health, finding out who you are is a long and sometimes painful journey. It took a while to find out who I am, and I still struggle with it now and then. For right now all I know is that I am a transgender male and I think I'm gay. 

My whole thing for a while was that I don't like men. Like at all. But, I've been thinking about it lately. Especially since M and I broke up. Every celebrity crush I've ever had has been a man. Every person I fall in love with in every piece of media I consume is a man. I like men, no matter how many times I say I don't.

And with women, I don't feel the same way about them. I don't think so. I don't know. But I'm 80% sure I'm gay. MLM gay. 

Another thing is, I don't think I want to date anyone ever again. Dating sucks. I hate it. I can't trust people. I have and look where it got me. Absolutely nowhere. All I get after a while are memories. They end up leaving me like everybody else and I don't think I can take another person leaving me. But I do want to have someone. 

For right now, the only person I need in my life is me. I don't need to have anyone else. It's me all the way. The only person who will never leave me. 

That's all for this one, 

A